PATHETIC

I was there today. I had some business to do: drop off a deposit at my credit union before swinging by the hospital to pick up my old-lady meds. I knew there was a possibility of seeing him, and I knew if I saw him I'd be a mess. So I did what I could to avoid him.

I was just about to get on the elevator and he walked in. I didn't even catch his eye, but I heard his voice and knew he saw me. Shit.

I don't understand it. This is a man who has treated me like I'm insignificant. Tossed me aside and said cruel things to me without thinking twice. Cheated on me over and over again, and yet I still love him. And I hate him. And I hate myself for being so ridiculously pathetic. And still, I'm sitting here typing about him. Giving him space and words that he doesn't deserve.

I think the worst part about it is that I always have this tiny glimmer of hope that he'll come around and do something dramatic. And chilvalrous. And bold. And courageous. This is the man I wanted to marry. When he was good to me, he was really good to me. I'm surprised I can remember, though. He's not that man anymore.

Now he's retiring. I saw the sign on the wall today. His party is Thursday and I wasn't invited. I wouldn't go even if I was. The sign just drove home what I've been dreading all along, though. He'll retire and move and I'll never see him again. And even though it's the best possible way for me to move on and get over him, I'm devasted.

His world doesn't involve me, but mine is a constant struggle to move on without him in it. I love him and I hate him, and I'll never see him again.
- posted by Taunia @ 5:56 PM (0) comments

 
A STARTLING DISCOVERY

For a few days now, I've had a nagging feeling that my puppy Julip strongly resembles someone or something. I've watched her closely waiting for any indication, any trace of this face lodged in my subconscious. I had almost given up until this morning, when it suddenly dawned on me:



Yes, my friends...Julip's double, her twin, quite likely separated at birth, is none other than that carnivorous thief, The Hamburglar.

Obviously, this is quite a shocking discovery. But as I dug deeper, I realized that Julip may not have a twin at all:



I'm housing a known fugitive. The only good thing is that I'll be well fed.
So just remember: if you're at a BBQ at my house this summer, protect your burgers. She can't control herself. Besides, she's on the McDonald's payroll and a pup's got to scratch out a dollar and keep up her rep, yo.
- posted by Taunia @ 9:42 AM (0) comments

 
TESTING, ONE...TWO...THREE....

Before I got into the weekend review, I thought I'd share with you the recent results of my blood tests:

BLOOD CHEMISTRIES: Normal Range
KIDNEY STUDIES Function is normal.
LIVER STUDIES: Liver tests are normal.
DIABETES SCREENING: Blood sugar: 103 (normal is 70-110 MG/DL)
CHOLESTEROL SCREENING: Your cholesterol is improved.

Total: 196 (Goal is less than 200mg/dl. Borderline is 201-240, 240+ is high)
LDL (Bad Cholesterol): 134 (Goal is less than 160mg/dl)
HDL (Good Cholesterol): 46. (Goal is greater than 40 mg/dl)
Triglyercide: 82 (Goal is less than 200 mg/dl)

Looky me! Healthy as a horse! Then WHY am I always getting sick?! I want them to tell me my white blood cell count because I must have ZERO white blood cells. I am ALWAYS getting sick. In fact, right now I think I have strep throat. (One of the many joys of teaching school-age children)

I was pretty sick for a while with stomach stuff and dizzy spells and really awful headaches. They're changing all my meds because they think I may be having some sort of allergic reaction to the combination of things.

Anyhow, I was happy to see that I'm a healthy fat girl. Go me.

Speaking of, I'm down 13 lbs now in Weight Watchers. Slow going, but it's going.

Also speaking of, Amy reminded me of the joy of Weight Watchers with some old-school recipes. I'm going to make some chicken-liver bake today. MMMMM.

Now on to the weekend in review:

Friday Night: Did not a DAMN thing. I started to get sick, so I took some Tylenol Cold & Sinus. This could also be renamed to "Coma in a Pill." I slept for 14 hours. I'm not kidding - FOURTEEN HOURS. I mean, DAMN! I'm a girl who loves sleep, but I also like being alive and a couple more of those pills and I could sleep away the rest of my thirties.

Saturday Night: Against my better judgement (and probably still in a Tylenol-induced haze) I decided to keep my Saturday night plans. Suzanne and I both joined a a women's group. When I first heard what they were (a group of women in their 30's who do activities together), I immediately thought that I was signing away my youth and joining up with a spinsters club. BUT, I decided that I could either join up with other spinsters or be alone - I chose the Spinsters.

In fact, they were quite the opposite. A REALLY cool group of gals who like to party and who were hilarious. I had SUCH a great time with them. We went to Border Cafe in Harvard Square and I spent most of the night laughing and telling stories. We've got some cool things planned: rock climbing, white water rafting, karaoke, and more.

Dinner was early (at 6:00), so we ended early. Suzanne and I then stopped by my friend Laurie's house because she was having a party. In the old days, Laurie's parties consisted of LOTS of beer, dancing, weed, and lots of single people. These days, it consists of mostly couples and board games. Me and my faux-lesbian girlfriend Suzanne coupled up nicely with them and played a round of "Scene It!" It's a really fun game - I recommend to all y'all party people in da house.

Saturday was fun, but being sick, I should have been in bed. Payback was Sunday.

Sunday: We had rehearsal from 11-1 and a gig in Bridgeport, CT (otherwise known as "way the fuck out there.") Because I woke up very sick, I was slow going. Add to that my dog vomiting THREE TIMES in the house - makes for a halting stop to the morning. Needless to say I was an hour late to rehearsal and made my peeps unhappy. Luckily, they didn't yell at me about it or I would have cried.

The gig was opening for Patty Larkin. She's a fantastic singer-songwriter and Amy had been trying for a while to get us in front of her audience.

To start us off, the announcer didn't remember our name and announced us as "All About Bu..." Nobody knew what to do - the audience didn't understand what was going on from that intro and neither did we.

Next, we get onstage and it's like we're in black whole where all traces of sound have been sucked from existence. It was a nightmare. But the nightmare gets worse!

By this point, I was feeling REALLY shitty. My throat was incredibly sore and my ears felt like they were infected, and I was hungry and tired. After our lackluster performance, Amy wanted to go to dinner with her cousins. I didn't want to go, but considering I had been late and she doesn't get to see her cousins often, I had to just suck it up and take one for the team. Besides, they said we'd get Ethiopian food - which is my favorite.

After dinner we went on our way. It was a three hour trip home, and I was needing sleep in a serious way. Of course, as soon as we got onto Interstate 91, there was an accident. Apparently, a Mac truck had rolled over and lumber was strewn all over the highway. We were stuck there on 91 for 1.5 hours. People got out of their cars and started walking around talking to each other. I was less than impressed with Connecticut at this point.

I FINALLY got home at 2:45 to have Julip poop on the floor in front of me.

So today, I'm feeling extra assy and have to go work in Boston. Next up: Springtime Allergies!!
- posted by Taunia @ 11:37 AM (0) comments

 
MISSING THE MOMMY GENE

I think there may be something wrong with me. I have NO desire to have kids. This works out well because as luck would have it, I can't have kids. But I just wonder if there's something WRONG with me that I don't have any desire to have them.

Don't get me wrong - I love kids. I adore my neice Litah and she just thinks I'm the coolest Auntie in the world. But man, they are a LOT of work. For instance...

Sunday was Litah's 7th birthday party. We went to Rainforest Cafe in Burlington. For those of you who haven't been there - it's fucking NUTS in there. It's built like a giant Rainforest and there's apes and shit hanging off the walls. You know what else is hanging off the walls? Kids. Kids everywhere you turn. And my only thought when I was there was, "I could NEVER work here. I'd go insane."

After leaving the restaraunt, we then went to my parents house to have cake and small party for Litah. Three of the kids from the neighborhood came to celebrate.



Looks innocent enough, right? Wrong. I have two words for you: FUCKING TERROR.

These three kids were OUT OF CONTROL. They ran around the house terrorizing my dog and my dad's dog while SCREECHING the most god-awful high-pitched notes that would make Mariah Carey embarassed. Glass was breaking, alarms were going off. Okay, I'm exaggerating, but it DID make me want to pull a Van Gogh and cut off my ears.

All the while this was going on, the mother just sat there and laughed it off. Now, she's a very nice lady who clearly loves her kids...but I cannot for the life of me understand how she let this behavior happen. Maybe I'm missing something here because I'm not a mom? All I know is that if me and my bro and sisters had pulled that shit when we were kids, we would have got into SERIOUS trouble and maybe even got whooped. (Please note: I don't endorse whoopings, but man....my ears were almost bleeding)

Anyhow, after the party I went back to my apartment with my dog and realized that I'm just not mommy material. I don't want that and don't desire it at all. I think I'm pretty nuturing and caring - I don't think I'm missing that - I'm just happy nuturing my dog, my family and my friends.

And for those of mine who ARE mommies: God bless you. That has got to be one of the toughest jobs in the world and I commend you for being able to do it with love and remaining as a cool and sane as you are. :)

Look at me - a Spinster at 33!
- posted by Taunia @ 11:16 AM (0) comments

 
POKER, POKER, POKAH!!

Oh, how I loves me some poker. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm pretty hard-core about it. I just LOVE the game. Luckily, I've always been pretty responsible about playing and have never lost a lot of money. I've always had the restraint to stop when I started to lose money or to not play for a while if I had a run of bad luck. Therefore, even though I've never been a tremendous player I've always come out a little ahead. Poker has almost always provided me with a little extra pocket money.

I started out playing about 5 years ago when I was living with my friend Scott. He played full-time (yes, as his JOB!) and taught me the game. The two of us used to host a weekly game and played with a group of guys who were great about teaching me the game. I never won against them because they were all kick-ass players. I always considered it my donation to hang with them and have a good time.



Well, for the past few years I've played a lot online and have hosted my own very casual bi-monthly home game. Only recently, I started going back to play with the big boys. First, I left with my own money from their game - which was tremendous because I almost always lost my dough to them. Then came last night....

I went to their game and the stakes were a bit higher than I usually play: $2/$4 blinds. That means every hand, the first three cards at $2 to play and the last two are $4 a card - and that's before anyone raises. Obviously, the cards can get very expensive to play. I bought-into the game for $60 (which is a very low buy-in for those stakes) and left with $131!!! I beat the big boys and doubled my money, which rocked steady!

I got home feeling pretty confident, so I went to my online poker site and decided to buy-in for a tournament. That means you buy-in for a set amount($20) and then everyone gets the same amount of chips and you play until one person is left with all the chips. The top three spots pay in a tournament. I won FIRST PLACE and won $100.

So overall last night, I invested $80 and won $151. I played from 8-midnight. At four hours, I made $37.75 an hour. Not too shabby, eh?

NOW I'm feeling much more confident about my most recent endeavor. After having a lot of people ask me how to teach them to play, AND knowing that most people won't jump into a real money game to learn, I decided to start teaching some poker classes. I figured it was a great way to earn a little extra cash and feel confident that I can teach basic poker strategy and play. I built a website and have started publicizing the classes to pretty good response. The website is DivaPokerSchool.com. Be a pal and pass the link on!

I decided that I'd run classes once or twice a month from my house and put a social spin on it. People can also hire me to come to their house to host their own poker party and I'll teach them and their guests the game and then act as the dealer for the rest of the night. I even got a super-cheesy dealer vest and visor! People can play for fun, money, or even raise money for charity.

So you see, I do love me some poker. It's fun, a great way to meet new people, and for me a great way to earn some extra cash! Winnah winnah, lobstah dinnah!
- posted by Taunia @ 7:22 AM (0) comments

 
THINGS THAT AMUSE ME

My own personal amusement:

1. Classmates.com runs their ads all over the place and there's this one chick who looks like a twin of Dustin Hoffman in the movie Tootsie:







2. There's an Italian Restaraunt in Wilmington called Rocco's. Just lask week on their "billboard" it said "WHY EAT FAKE ITALIAN WHEN YOU CAN HAVE THE REAL THING HERE?" This week: "CORN BEEF & CABBAGE DINNER -ST. PATRICK'S DAY!" Yeah, Rocco. If I'm going to eat bland Irish food, why eat fake Irish? I can have the real deal from my 100% Irish mom!





3. And I thought *I* was a music whore!





4. The very reason why I should not be left alone in the kitchen:


- posted by Taunia @ 7:05 PM (0) comments

 
FROM NOW ON, I ALWAYS WEAR SOCKS

I love my puppy but I am highly unimpressed with her this morning. I woke at up at 6:00 am to the sound of her vomiting on my bed. Gross. I'm pretty sure it's because she eats everything in site- including the tree branches outside and the bunny poop from the bunny we have in the backyard. The vet says it's likely because of that and the excitement of living in a new home.

I got up to clean the sheets and toss them in the wash, and as I went to lean over the bed I stepped in a pile of poop.

Yes, in my bare feet.

Good morning to you too.


- posted by Taunia @ 6:47 AM (0) comments

 
AND THEY CALL IT...PUPPY LOVEEEE

I'm so in love with my new puppy I can't even stand it. She's so awesome. She's the most awesome-est of awesome puppies. The new love of my life:


JULIP

Is she not the most adorable thing you've ever seen? Originally her name was spelled Julep(with an E), but they misspelled it on her doggie collar, and I kind of like the "I" so I'm keeping it.

A week ago Saturday my brother Derek and Aunt Evie went to South Yarmouth, MA to pick her up. I was in Vermont gigging, so my birthday present from them both was picking her up - which rocked steady and I continue to be grateful for. She stayed overnight with my parents and their dog Bailey. (Note: Bailey is about 10X the size of Julip.)

Julip was instantly in love with Bailey. Bailey, not so much. He took a little bit to get used to her, because she's so small and he's so big, but now they're pals and since they share a backyard they play together and both get a lot of exercize.

Julip was *supposed* to be housebroken, but she's gone on my floor a number of times now. Once at the exact moment that I was telling friends that she was getting better. Her timing is good, you've gotta give her that. She's getting used to going outside and the schedule I've got her on and hopefully she'll be better soon at it.

It really is like having a baby, though. I have to watch her constantly because she eats EVERYTHING. She's teething right now, so she also chews everything (including my hands). The funniest thing about her is that when she gets excited and starts barking she sounds like a rooster. It's funny except for at 5:00 am. Not so funny then.

She was also instantly in love with Ben. Because of her penchant for using my floor as her bathroom, Ben calls her Poopy and she responds to him. She adores him, as you can see from these pics:



I actually joked that all things small and cute in my life are in love with Ben because my 7 yr old neice Litah has a crush on him as well. Ben is like a friggin' Disney movie: kids and animals all love him. Just another thing he does well: being adored. Damn him!

Back to Julip/Poopy: she was the most perfect gift for me for so many reasons. I have companionship now, she gets my lazy ass out of bed in the morning, we're going to walk together and get exercize, and she's just the cutest thing ever. She sleeps in the nook of my arm at night. I mean, COME ON! Love, love, love.

Don't worry, I have a self-imposed one month moratorium on puppy-love-gushing. But you can't deny that's she's the most awesome-est puppy in the world!
- posted by Taunia @ 11:53 PM (0) comments

 
SLEEP WELL

I know you read this, almost every day.
And I know that you think I don't know that.

I'm just trying to understand how it is you sleep at night?
How you can have a peaceful night's rest while I cry myself to sleep?
How can you look me in the eye and have nothing to say?

Can't find the courage to face yourself?
It's easier to look at yourself through a bottle of vodka, I'm sure.

No matter what you think of me - fat, stupid, naive, submissive...
I always had the courage to say what I felt,
and I always had the courage to love you.

Now go to sleep with that.
Alone with your material objects: your house, your boat, your money.
Alone with the knowledge that you weren't brave enough, or man enough.

I was the adult.
- posted by Taunia @ 10:32 AM (0) comments