100% NATURAL, JUST LIKE MY HAIR

For those of you who don't know, I've been trying out the carb-free way of life. I started the second week of January and have lost 19 lbs, but for the last week I haven't lost anything thanks to Mother Nature. My body is now retaining enough to have me declared an official body of water on the map. Still, 19 lbs isn't so bad.

Let's recap the progress over the past 3.5 years, shall we?

Year one: lost 50 lbs.
Year two: gained 34 back
Year three: managed to not gain back the last 16
Now: back down another 19
Total lost: 35 lbs

I've even cheated a bit here and there, but for the most part, I find this pretty easy to stick too. My body sort of rejects sugar and dough-y things now. I always feel like crap after I eat it, so I'm not as tempted anymore.

Now before any of you start lecturing me, let me just state that I STILL eat fruits and veggies, I only cut out sugar and flours for now. But that leads me to today's topic: fake sugar.

I always buy a couple no-carb treats so I don't feel deprived. Today's treat was:



Now, these are fake M&M's. They call them T&T's which cracks me up for some reason.
The T&T's aren't so yummy, either. They look kind of scary too - but sometimes you overlook nastiness when you just want some candy in your mouth.

So, as I'm eating, I check out the label:



Three very important things to note:

1. Check out what the label says, bottom right hand corner:

***NOTE: For those watching carbs, count 2 grams as all other carbs, including fiber, have a minimal impact on blood sugar.

Uh, for those watching carbs... yeah, WHO ELSE would buy this shitty candy??? They may as well write, "Hey Fatty, these are only 2 carbs - so go nuts!"

2. Right above Nutrition Facts, you'll find this lovely tip:

Excessive consumption may have a laxative effect.

As soon as I read that, consumption ended. I'm all set with laxative effects, thank you. I'm not needing any extra help after school with T&T for that.

3. You can't see this, but on the left hand side of the package, they state:

No artificial colors, no artificial flavors so that health-conscious consumers of all ages can indulge in our complete candy and nutrition bar line and enjoy the goodness of Think Thin.

Now, I don't know about you, but I consider anything that doesn't pop out of the ground or graze around in a yard UNnatural. Yeah, natural my ASS! My Loreal Preference is natural too - made from bananas or some such shit.

All I'm saying is don't try to fool me. I know I'm eating your shitty fake candy - you don't need to try and convince me it's natural or a safe alternative. Anything that's purple and crunchy on the outside is some fake shit, my friends....and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

So there's the T&T report for today. Amy recently reinstated the Fat Albert Rating System, and therefore I feel obliged to give the T&T's the following:



That's right, yo. One. Outta five, and that's generous. Even Albert in all his fatty glory wouldn't eat your shitty candy.

If anyone finds some really good, non-poopy, low-gram, somewhat-natural carb subsitutions, send 'em my way!



- posted by Taunia @ 3:10 PM