LOVE FOR EVERYONE

Well kids, it's Friday the 13th - one day before Valentine's Day. I love seeing people happy and in love - and despite it being a mass-marketed greeting card/chocolate holiday, there's something about all the red and love in the air that makes me happy. It also makes me just a little bit sad because I don't have someone who loves me, but mostly just happy that there's a whole lotta love goin' round.

I decided that I'm going to make tomorrow an "I LOVE ME!" Valentine's Day. I am going to pamper myself just a little. I'm going to sleep late, give myself a pedicure, a facial, I just may actually shave my legs for the first time in about 2 months! I'll play a ton of Scrabble online, won't get out of my PJ's, and will watch the three Netflix DVD's that have been hanging out at my house:



If it weren't for this damn Atkins (-16 lbs so far baby!), I'd also get myself a giant pizza and bottle of Coke...but alas, those carb-filled Valentine days are gone...

I also did something that was either completely brave or quite possibly the dumbest thing I've ever done....

Ok, there's this boy at work (let's call him "Mr. C"). I've had a crush on him for a long time now, and I think he's absolutely adorable. The strange thing is, I've always fallen for people after I got to know them. With Mr. C, it was an instant attraction as soon as I met him and I still don't really know him very well - but I just adore him. I've talked to him enough to know he's got a good sense of humor and that he's a nice guy...but there's something about him that I feel very, very drawn to. Problem is, he doesn't feel drawn to me.

See, when Mr. C first started working here, I made the mistake of telling my guy friend "T" that I had a crush on him. T in turn joked with him about it and then finally told me that Mr. C wasn't interested. That was about a year ago. I still have this HUGE crush on him. Now, you know this Diva is NOT shy, and I'm generally the quick-witted gal with the flashy comebacks and jokes. When he talks to me, I can't even LOOK at him, I get SO nervous and instantly revert back to 16 yrs old being completely clueless as to how to act around a boy. He must think I'm the biggest dork. Even so, he's always very nice to me, albeit not interested.

SO, he has become my new motivation. I'm losing weight because I want to go out with this guy, and I want him to be attracted to me. Now before you go saying that he should love me the way I am, remember two things: 1) I don't love the way I look and 2) I don't like him because he's heavy, I am attracted to him because he's tall and thin - which is my preference. If he's not attracted to me, he can't help his personal preferences and I certainly don't fault him for that. BUT, he WILL be attracted to me. I am going to be HOT by the summer. And if he's the guy that motivates me to lose the weight - all the better.

So here's where the brave/dumb thing comes in.

Even knowing that Mr. C is not interested in me, I decided to send him a Valentine. It was a pretty card that just said "Happy Valentine's Day to you." Inside, I put a small note that said that I thought it was important to tell him how I feel, and that I knew that wasn't reciprocated and that was ok. I told him I'd probably die of embarrassment on Monday, but at least I'd go knowing I told him how I felt. I said that if he ever changed his mind he could call me, and I gave him my personal business card with my number on it. Then I walked down to the post office and dropped it in the mail.

Then, there was a moment of panic.

I wanted to shove my arm down that slot and take it back. Dear GOD, what had I done???

Here's the thing, if he acknowledges that I sent it, it will be cool. I just don't want to weird him out or make him uncomfortable at work. If he doesn't acknowledge it, he'll be weirded out and trying to avoid me - and that will make me feel like shit. I also don't want the other guys he works with to know, because I'll be embarrassed.

So there's two ways that this could play out: he could either think that I'm cool and brave OR he could think I'm stalking him and will start to avoid me.

I think I'm going to be sick thinking about this. But in the end, I'll be glad I did it. I really DO think it's important to be brave enough to tell people how you feel, and I really DO think it's important that people know if you think they're something special.

Yeah, screw that! I did the right thing. Love and admiration are important. Go me!


- posted by Taunia @ 12:37 PM