I am SO ghetto!


Over the weekend, we had a gig in Hartford, Connecticut. We got all the way there and I realized that I left my nice black boots back in Boston and only had my giant, clunky pink timberland boots. Now, you know mama ain't wearin' no hiking boots up onstage, yo. We had some time to kill once we got there, so we went on a quest for a shoe store. Don't people in Hartford, CT wear shoes?? What the hell? We couldn't find a shoe store ANYWHERE.

So, we turned into Family Dollar to ask if they knew where we could find a shoe store. I jumped out of the car, opened the door to walk in and I swear, I will NEVER, EVER forget what I saw. A man was bent over cleaning something on the floor and his WHOLE ASS was hanging out of his pants. And this wasn't a good-looking ass, I assure you. It also wasn't just partial crack - this was the ENTIRE ASS. Of course, I had no one else with me, so I had to just laugh by myself as I got into the store.

Once inside the store, I realized I had stepped into Ghetto Central. Cripes, it was ridiculous in there. There was one register open with a woman who clearly had NO interest in getting people out of her line. There was also no one I could ask about a shoe store because everyone had this vacant "duh" look on their face. As I was about to walk out, I saw a rack of shoes. There, in front of me was a side 8.5 black faux-velvet slip on flats with the tackiest gold chain across the top. They were $2.00. SOLD! I bought them and ripped the gold shit off the top and no one was any the wiser.

When I got back into the car, Amy, Shah, and Ben said: "you missed the ass!" I said, "Ohhhhh no I didn't." Just say no to crack, my friends. Just say no to crack.

Speaking of crack and ghetto, check this out: GEM SWEATER COLLECTION!

Kids, I don't even know where to START with this shit! Check out the gold spandex, yo. That ain't right. I'm also pretty certain that I wore those glasses in 1980. And sister, get yourself a bra with some support, would ya?? She probably needs a whole separate trailer on the lot just for her gems, baby. Oh, just so wrong.

My favorite sweater is on page 4, the "Confettee Spindul."
Be sure to check out the "media" (a 5 second wacky video) too on the home page.

Apparently, this woman owns a "sweater collection" and a photographer used her for a project. You can see some feedback on it here that's also pretty damn funny.

So ghetto gifts for everyone today. Enjoy!
- posted by Taunia @ 4:21 PM