I DON'T BUY IT

The other night, a guy randomly instant messaged me. This happens a lot, and I generally tell most of them to piss off because I'm not interested in their pathetic attempts to get laid. That was this guy's agenda too - but he humored me by having an actual conversation.

We talked a bit about why I don't deal with or meet men from chat rooms or online. I told him that in the past I have, but those experiences taught me what I know. I told him that I had no interest in sexual charity. I am a woman, and I can have sex anytime I feel like it with whoever I choose. Men don't have that luxury - they have to work pretty damn hard for it. The problem is, these AOL predators have no interest in working for it - or getting to know anyone. They just want to get laid as quickly and as desperately as possible. The conversation continued and he told me that I was a snob - and I thought I was too good for everyone. Well, DUH. Hell, yeah. I *AM* too good for you or for any other sleazy dude looking to get laid from their computer keyboard.

He then told me that I was just bitter because I hadn't found my true love. Say WHAT? First thing first: I just broke up with my on-again-off-again boyfriend of three years. I'm not bitter that I'm alone, in fact - I NEED this time alone. Secondly, I don't subscribe to the idea that there's only one, true love for everyone. He told me that my thinking was BULLSHIT and that I was making excuses for my bitterness.

Ok, well I'll be the first to admit that I'm bitter. Hell, if you had been dicked around as much as I have in the past three years - you'd be bitter too, BUT I'm not bitter that I haven't found my one, true love. I'm bitter that the guy I thought was wonderful turned out to be a dick. There's a big difference.

I have several reasons why I'm not sure if I'm on-board with the whole one-person love-of-your life theory. Don't get me wrong, I think there are a few exceptions where people are truly just meant to be together and stay madly in love forever. I think that's swell, I really do - but I just don't think that the other 90% of us fall into that category.




The IM dude said that he did believe in it. He said he only had to look at his parents for an example of that. I asked him if he really, honestly believed in the one-true-love theory for everyone and he adamantly said YES. I then asked him how many people he knew that have either cheated or gotten divorced. No answer. That's what I thought.

Another thing I realized was that I've loved THREE people in my life so far, and I'm only 31. These relationships were all very serious, intimate and intense. J was my first love and I still recall a great fondness when I think about him because he was a wonderful, loving person in a time in my life when I really, really needed someone to love me. N was a New York writer and he was intense for me emotionally and sexually. Mr. X was the last person I loved, and still do. J once said to me that you always love someone you loved. That's true. I still carry a love for all three of them, and I'm glad that all of them were in my life. How would I know which one was my one, true love? Were they all? I can't imagine meeting someone that I had a MORE intense love for. It just doesn't make a lot of sense to me that there's only supposed to be ONE person you love and ONE person who enhances your life. I don't buy it.

I was reading an article somewhere that quoted Dustin Hoffman talking about marriage. I can't recall exactly what he said - but he basically said that marriage was a great institution when people were only living into their 30s and we needed to procreate and keep the human population plugging along. I agree with that to a point. I do believe marriage can work and has a lot of benefits financially and emotionally. BUT, I think that we're all taught (and mostly women) that we should be getting married and spitting out kids in our early 20s. Everyone's getting married before they even discover who they are, before they're secure in their lives, before they LIVE.

I recently found out that I can't have children. Marriage is really the only thing I have to look forward to in my life. I don't want to fuck it up, and I feel like the chance of me doing that is far less now that I've entered my thirties and really have a good grasp on who I am and what my life is supposed to be about.

I loved Mr. X and I probably would have married him had he asked. I would have been ready for it and devoted to him - but only because I'm older now and have a real understanding of who I am and how my life is supposed to be. But do I believe he was my one, true love? I believe he was one of them - not the only one. I believe that fate intervenes if you allow it to and that love comes to you in different ways and different people throughout your life. I don't believe that EVERYONE is supposed to be married and have a soul mate. I'm ok with it if that's not my path. I'll be happy enough to encounter love again.




- posted by Taunia @ 2:54 PM